We are now day 7 into Bullying Awareness Week – a vision first started 10 years ago by a teacher in Calgary by the name of Bill Belset after a series of terrible school shootings took place (and were later linked to childhood bullying).  Over the last decade, his message of bringing an end to bullying has spanned the entire globe, bringing in support and events all over the World.  1 week dedicated to bringing attention to something horrible… doesn’t sound like much, does it?  And yet while news media all over the planet announce this week as the official Bullying Awareness Week (it even has its own Hashtag, #BAW2011, on Twitter), I have not yet seen a single News outlet in BC announce it, or even mention it.  Are the news stations so oblivious to the fact that bullying takes place in our Province, the same as everywhere else?  Are they blind to the problems that kids face?  or are they just brainwashed into thinking that Occupy Vancouver is a more important issue?  Maybe a bunch of people living in tents at the art gallery, drinking and doing drugs in public while they declare that they no longer recognize the authority of the police and fire department when it suits their purposes (right up until someone overdoses on-site) are more newsworthy than kids killing themselves to escape the torment they are put through at school and in their neighbourhoods.  Oh sure, a bullying victim kills themselves and the news jumps on it for a few days, crying about how if only something could have been done, or if only we knew sooner, or how can bullying be allowed to get to this point.
And then nothing.  Right back to the Occupies, or Kardashians, or what celebrity got caught in a hot tub with someone that’s obviously not his wife.
I am by far not a major person in the Social Media scene.  I prefer to be behind the scenes, making sure that our sites are running well, and watching other people talk.  But occasionally I want to get a message out.  I have 105 followers on Twitter.  For the past two weeks, I have asked numerous times that people pass the word along about this week, and about a specific bullying case that I am directly involved in.  Of that 105 people, only 8 people actually helped to spread that word.  A special thanks to Shawn Doyle and Patrick Gallagher for doing what they can to help, you two are awesome.  On Facebook, I have 153 “friends”.  How many there have helped to spread the message?  5.  Mind you, the past 2 months have helped me to see how many of those 153 people are actually friends.
How desensitized are people that they can’t send 1 single message over the course of an entire year to bring attention to the problem of bullying?  Are they too busy with their Farmville’s and Youtube spamming and 50,000 posts about your dog and how cute it is when said dog has a bowel movement (the number is exaggerated, the topic is not)?  Maybe they just buy into the saying that bullying is just a part of growing up.  Yep, getting punched in the back of the head while walking to class is a requirement of growing up.  So is standing in a hallway while someone holds your arms behind your back and two people take turns using you as a punching bag.  Or sitting at your desk trying to actually focus on your work (a shocker while in School) while kids behind you occupy their time by throwing things at you all class long.  All part of growing up, right?  WRONG.  Why is society so desensitized to bullying that they are ready to jump up and actively support it, pushing the victims to the side in the process?  Did you know that if a bully assaults a child, and that child fights back, the child that was bullied can face school suspension for defending himself?  And not just suspension, but actual assault charges.
It’s time that the World got a reality check.  Bullying is a real epidemic, more serious than any campers at a city park, and it’s time that people started taking a stand against it.
This is Bullying Awareness Week.  Get aware, people.  It’s real, it’s happening, and it needs to stop.
I put forward that 2012 should be Bullying Awareness Year.  If the News Media can’t put out one story about it over the course of 7 days, maybe they’ll find a slow news day out of 365 that they can report on it.  You know, a day when there’s not a bunch of campers complaining about major corporations while they wear their Nike shoes, and blog on their laptops, and take phone calls on their iPhones.  A whole year to go on the radio or TV and say “Hey people, be kind to each other.  Stop the bullying crap”.
Besides, if the Mayans are right, it might be the last year we can do it.

To quote a movie that had a typical 80′s plot-line, yet was ahead of it’s time with philosophy, “Be Excellent To Each Other”.

Some links you should check out:

http://www.bullyingawarenessweek.org
http://www.bullying.org
http://www.cyberbullying.org
http://www.waltersdefensefund.ca

What the Hell is wrong with the World?  When I went to school, “bullies” were a dime a dozen… some kid always wanted to try to look tougher than he actually was, by pushing around the small kid.  Nothing makes you look like more of a man than picking on a defenseless kid who is just trying to go from day to day the best way they know how, huh?

On Saturday in Ontario, an extremely talented young man killed himself.  He could skate, he could sing, he could act, he had friends and a family that loved him.  He also had kids around him who were verbally abusive towards him constantly.  Why?  Because they thought that his being gay was reason enough for him to be a target of verbal bullying.  Will the kids who called him a “fag” feel guilty for their part in his life coming to a sudden end?  Likely not, they will try to appease their consciences by saying that it was the medication he was on, or he just wasn’t right in the head.  The reality though, is that even when thinking the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”, those words do actually hurt.  It is in human nature to want to belong.  Most don’t give a second thought to the idea that pushing these people away with hurtful insults and name-calling can cause long-term lasting damage, but the truth is that it can and does.  The story I reference above about Jamie Hubley is proof of that.  He kept an online journal of his final month, if further evidence is needed.  Even a simple Google search for the words “bully suicide” returns over twenty million results.

Friends of Tami are going through another horrifying case of bullying.  Their son has been the target of bullies for some time now, both verbally and physically.  Recently the father caught sight of one of the bullies on top of his son in his own front yard.  Being the loving father figure he is, he approached the group and removed the bully from his son.  He never once hit the bully (something I myself would not be able to say if I were in that position), and for coming to the defense of his son he was charged with assault.  Really.  Assault, for removing a bully off his own son on his own property.  they are now facing escalating legal bills, losing their home, and having to pack up everything they own and leaving the city they live in.  Why?  Because the courts have decided that they are not there to defend the victim anymore, but instead to come to the defense of the bully.  This is why bullies now know it’s okay that they do what they do, because there is no risk of repercussions for their actions.  That falls back on the victim.

A truly heartbreaking story is that of 11 year old Mitchell Wilson, from Pickering, Ontario.  2 years after losing his mother to skin cancer, he was diagnosed with a debilitating disease called muscular dystrophy.  That was a year ago.  10 months ago, he was robbed by a 12 year old, all for an iPhone he had borrowed from his father.  During the robbery, Mitchell was severely beaten by the unnamed young offender, who was too small due to his disease to defend himself or even run away.  While the attacker was removed from school and charged, the bullying continued.  Mitchell lived in constant fear of running into the bully, to the point that he told his grandmother that he would kill himself if he had to return to school in September.  Early last month he received a subpoena to testify against the alleged young attacker, which would require facing the bully and thief again.  The next morning, Mitchell found his son lying in bed with a plastic bag pulled over his head.  This little man had been pushed to the point that he thought the only way to escape the torment that the bullies had put him through was to escape life completely.

The actions of the bully (of any bully) affect more than just the person they are targeting.  It has widespread and lasting effect.  Does the bully care?  Obviously not at the time, or else they would grow up and not actually be a bully.  The problem is that it’s often years before they realize the hurt they brought to others… quite often, that’s years too late.  On the radio yesterday, they were talking to one man who, as a child, was a victim of bullying… then later in his teen years, a bully himself.  He had found one person in particular to be the target of his abuse, often verbally insulting him, teasing him, taking his favorite things and taunting him with them… it sounds like the only thing he did not actually do was physically assault the boy.  One day he took the boys favorite hat, teasing him with it prior to throwing it on the ground and stomping on it.  Most would not see this as having lasting damage… it’s just a hat, after all.  That night, the boy, whose heart was not strong enough to keep going, gave up.  Doctors determined that it was his medical condition that led to the heart failure, but the bully to this day blames himself for causing it.

Some people are starting to take a stand against bullying.  OptimizedApps have developed a small application for smartphones called “Bully Button” (http://www.optimizedapps.com/bully-button.html).  A simple program, someone under threat simply presses a large button on their smartphone to instantly begin recording all nearby audio… it’s also possible to have it take pictures, if your phone supports it.  it also has “quick dial” buttons to allow for instant access to your parents… think of it as calling for help for the 21st century.  http://www.bullyingcanada.ca is another helpful site, bringing together various stories about bullying across the country, survivor stories, resources, and links to receive assistance to escape the bullying if you are a victim.

Helping the victim to defend themselves is a great start, but it’s certainly not enough.  Bullying needs to stop at the source.  If you see it taking place, step up and stop it.  99% of the time, all it takes is verbal confrontation… and that 1%, two people standing up are better than one.  In order for this World to be “Bully-proof”, people need to stop walking past and pretending they do not see what is happening.  Show your support.  Join one of the many anti-bullying campaigns out there.  Voice your support to your peers.  Share your stories.  Stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.  Putting an end to bullying has to start somewhere.  Why not let it start with you?

July 31st, 1978… 33 years ago, my best friend entered the World.  It would be another 5 years before I actually met him and got to know him, but what followed was a good solid decade of friendship.  We had done so many things, that I could not possibly begin to recount it all now.  From nanaimo bars and sugar cookies at the bakery next to his parents store (he lived upstairs), to pretending that we were going to turn his Dad’s large cube van into a rocket, to using his Commodore 64 to code a laser so we could shock (he often referred to it as “zap”) his sister Kajsa (yeah, we were a little strange).  There were movies in Victoria, swimming at the Hotel (Marco Polo was a lot easier for us to win when we could team up and both see underwater), apple fights with the teenagers who lived behind his grandparents house, hockey games in the living room, and even a dart game that resulted in me being hit in the head by one.  We both had an obsession with He-Man (it was 1986, leave me alone), music, and computers.  He also had a small crush on my sister at the time, which was cool because he was already like my brother so what could go wrong from that?  Heh… memory flashback.  We (Kjell, myself, my sister Natalie, and her boyfriend at the time) had gone to a movie in Victoria… we were originally going to see King Kong Lives, but because Kjell and I were not yet old enough, we had to go see a different movie instead (Nat and her bf still went to King Kong, I believe).  After the movie, there was a race to the bus stop… if Kjell beat me, Natalie would give him a kiss.  Of course, I let him run ahead, and got to watch him blush as Natalie gave him a kiss on the cheek.  Stupid memory, but it’s the small ones that meant nothing at the time, that mean so much to me now.
Kjell was a bit of a wild one… eclectic is the best way to describe him.  While I was the mild mannered one (I grew up somewhat shy), Kjell was the one who always jumped into things with both feet.  That’s probably why he was so good at everything he did, because he didn’t let doubt hold him back.  While my friend network for most of my youth was closed up, he was out there making friends with pretty much everyone.  It was a little overwhelming at times, but watching how he interacted with a complete stranger who would come into the store was a form of entertainment in, and of, itself.
As the years went on, we slowly started to lose touch with one another.  His family had moved from over the store (a 10 minute walk from my house) to miles away.  We had gone from seeing each other daily, to weekends.  Time passed, and we grew apart.  Sure, we still talked on the phone lots, and I’d make a trip out to his place (a bus to the bottom of the hill, then a 15 minute climb up it to his house), or he would come visit in town.  But it wasn’t every day.  Then came the big moves… he moved to Victoria, and I moved to Pender.
Yeah, even then I still kept in touch, though not nearly as often as I should have.  He would make the occasional day trip to the Island to visit, or I would look him up when I was over there, but it wasn’t the same as it had been.
When I was 14, I got to go to Nova Scotia for my aunt’s wedding.  I had talked to Kjell before leaving, and knew that I’d give him a call when I got home and tell him about all things I got to do while I was there.  I was wrong.  While I was gone to Nova Scotia, Kjell turned 14, and travelled to Alberta.  While he was gone, there was an accident, and he didn’t come back.  When I got home, my parents started to tell me that something had happened while I was away.  Even with growing apart over the last few years, I knew he wasn’t there anymore.  They didn’t actually tell me… I told them.  In the blink of an eye, my best friend for a full decade was gone.  I had missed his 14th birthday, I had missed his telling me about a trip he was taking, and I had missed his funeral.
That was 19 years ago.  I still regret not being there for his family, but I have come to accept that it is not something I can ever change.  All I can do is remember the good times we had together growing up, and do little writeups like this once in a while to make sure I always remember.  Sure, some of the memories are gone… that’s what happens when we get *cough* old, but it’s the important memories that stay behind.  And the others aren’t actually gone, they’re just filed away, waiting for that little trigger so they can jump back out at you and make you smile, or laugh, or cry, or wonder just what the Hell you were thinking that day… oh, we had a lot of those… and I am so glad that his parents don’t know about some of them… those are the memories I’ll be taking to the grave with me, thank you very much.
On July 31st 2011, Kjell turns 33.  Happy birthday, Kjell.  You’re missed, but I’m doing okay.

Today, history will be made.  One way or another.
That phrase is being tossed around a lot lately.  Yes, it would be historic for the Canucks to win the Stanley Cup.  They are certainly the team I am cheering for.
But this isn’t the first the the Canucks have been here.  Yes, it’s the first time that this team has been here… this forward line, defensive line, and this goalie… but the Canucks have been in Game 7 of the finals before.  In fact, they’ve even pushed it into overtime.  We’ve been here before.  But history does not always repeat itself.  Gods, and the Lord (Stanley) willing, this will be one of those cases.
I must add, I am disappointed in some of the fans.  Some people are so quick to jump on the bandwagon when the team is doing well, yet they are the first to hop off when the team loses a game… and they always blame the goalie.  I may have missed something in the following of the game of Hockey… like, maybe some rules were changed or something… but isn’t there more than a goalie on the ice during the game?  And does “defense” not have something to do with, oh, I don’t know, defending the goal?  To lay blame on Luongo alone for the losses in Boston is extremely unfair, both to Luongo and to the team as a whole.  When the team wins, it’s a group effort.  The same should be said for a loss.
Those of you who are destroying the suspension on our bandwagon… either stay on, or get the Hell off… but make up your damn minds.  The fans who have been in support of Vancouver since this all started don’t need your comments when things don’t go the way YOU think they should go.  This is a team who set records this year.  This is the team who fought their way to the Stanley Cup.  This is the team who took the praise of it’s fans, and used that to fuel their run to the Presidents Trophy.  Win or lose tonight, the true Canucks fans will stand behind them and support their efforts.  We always have.  We’ve stood by the team through victories and cheap shots… through injuries that could cripple the average person, and through winning shots in the final seconds of the game to carry the team on to victory.
Just go out there tonight and have fun.  Those of us who are true fans will stand by you and support you for even getting this far.  You’ve done well boys, live in the moment and enjoy it.

Oh… and if it’s not too much trouble, win this one for Raymond.

I was 8 the first time I met my grandparents.  it was a big thing for me, too.  Having never flown before, the chance to fly all by myself at 8 years old was an awesome experience.  And this wasn’t just a small flight, either… no, I got to actually cross the entire country, from Coast to Coast.  Flying out of Victoria (in a window seat, of course) right to Halifax (with a layover in Vancouver, and a brief stay of a few hours at Toronto Pearson).  By myself.  At age 8.  Obviously, I grew up in a different World than people find their children in now.  Anyway, it was the first chance I got to meet my Dad’s parents… as well as a sister of his that I had only barely spoken to on the phone, and his oldest brother.
To say it was an enlightening experience would be to downplay it.  My grandfather was a military man.  You addressed him with respect, and always called him sir… unless you were one of the grandchildren, in which case he was a tall respected guy that liked to garden and build.  The strictness was gone.  I could have probably gotten away with anything during that trip… not that I wanted to test those waters, because I was 3000 miles from home, and it was a long walk back to Halifax.  Grandma was a cook.  I say it like that, because I can’t even begin to come up with a better word.  I would wake up at 7 AM, and the kitchen would be FULL of food.  Doughnuts, muffins, toast, pancakes, fruit.  I don’t know if she ever actually slept, or if she just spent the nights baking for the purpose of blowing my mind each morning… but there it was.  She also liked to shop.  While we spent some time at one of the local malls drinking milkshakes (or stopping at the local Dairy Queen), her shopping of choice was at a little place called “Frenchie’s”.  I don’t mean to call it that as a derogatory term towards those of French heritage… the actual store name was “Frenchie’s”.  It was like the superstore of Value Village clothing.  They had these massively huge boxes of clothes that they would roll out.  It was a free for all, and the safest place to be was by Grandma.  She was small… and you don’t screw with small people.
During that first trip, I got to see more of Nova Scotia than I had ever even seen of my own home province at the time.  My aunt Lesa and Uncle Peter (now in the arctic somewhere) toured me through all of the old Forts.  My choice in attire for some of these excursions was slightly less than stylish by today’s standards, but you know what?  It gets damn hot in Nova Scotia in the summer when there is no shade.  Anyway, we would go on these day trips to the Forts… and when we got back, there would be Grandma cooking away.  “What do you want for dinner?  I’m set to make anything” was the general feeling.
I flew back out to Nova Scotia again when I was 14.  Again, I was alone on this trip, but the gathering when I got there was much more lively… it was Lesa’s wedding (the last child of my grandparents to marry off) to Peter, and people from all over were there.  I had met a good chunk of them the prior summer in Ontario at my cousin Robby’s wedding, but it was still an amazing experience.  I went for a month that time.  Though my grandfather’s health wasn’t what it was when I was there 6 years prior, they were still the perfect image of grandparents, taking me all over town (and out of town), running the fine line between parents of authority and spoiling the grandkids rotten (isn’t that what Grandparents are supposed to do anyway?).  At 14, I was given a chance to actually go shark fishing on the Bay Of Fundy… now, remember, I’m 14 at this point, and while I grew up around the Ocean, watching a bunch of grown men fish for 1500 lb shark was certainly a moment that made me feel like a grown up.  It was during this trip that I lost two people back home though.  My best friend Kjell was killed in a car accident while on a vacation of his own, and my grandfather Harry (on my Mom’s side) passed away after a fight with cancer.  Both of these things took place without me even knowing, and while I admit I resented my Grandparents for keeping it from me at the time, I look back now and I understand why they didn’t tell me.  Everything they did, was to try and make sure I stayed happy and enjoyed my trip there.
My third trip to Nova Scotia to see my Grandparents was with my parents.  It was their 50th anniversary, and we had a massive family reunion there.  That trip was definitely memorable.  One of our friends from Pender actually followed us back to Nova Scotia on his motorcycle, showing up the very night of the party (surprising us all as he walked into the event).  I got trusted to actually have free reign of the quad on the property… a very large piece of land overlooking the Bay of Fundy… acres and acres of blueberry fields, forest, and trails… Hell yeah.  But probably one of the strongest memories was one that still bothers me now.  Remember, I was 16 during this trip.  I was young, stupid, self-centered, and of course I thought I knew everything.  Which meant that I knew next to nothing.  I had just finished a blowup argument with my dad (in front of everyone) about something… I don’t even remember what, it was so stupid.  I stormed down to the room we were staying in under the garage, and was closely followed by my grandfather.  Scared the shit out of me when he came in.  This Military guy who I had been raised with horror stories of, who just watched me disrespect both my parents, as well as my grandparents by storming off their porch after likely saying some unflattering things to my parents in their presence (I was 16, I don’t remember what I said), who has towered over me everytime we are standing together, who had a career of being called sir and getting paid to yell at people… here he is, standing in front of me.  And what does he do?  Sits down next to me, says that my parent both love me and are only trying to do what’s best for me, and that he would like to see me come back to the group upstairs whenever I am ready.  That was it.  It was a very enlightening experience that I have actually kept with me all this time.
A few years ago, while I was still in Michigan, Dad called me.  This man who had always been there, who I was certain would always be there… Grandpa had passed away.  His health had been steadily declining over the years,as that’s what happens when you get older.  My brain still could not really process the message though.  It had been a long time since I had seen him… the last time, in fact, was during that trip when I was 16.  I still think back on those trips though.  I can’t remember everything, but some of it will stay with me forever, I am sure.
A little over an hour ago, I got a message on facebook from my Aunt Lesa, who had been staying with my Grandma since a little after Grandpa died.  At some point this afternoon, my grandmother passed away, with Lesa and her son James (my cousin) by her side.  I don’t know the specifics, other than that our family is scattered across the Country, and we’ve all lost someone of terrible significance to us all.  I imagine sometime in the next few days it will begin to sink in, but right now it’s still hard to believe.  Yeah, she had some rough times lately, and fell real ill the past few months… but being this far away, it all seemed a little unreal.  I suppose this showed me how real it actually was.  My family has lost two amazing people in my grandparents… but we are better for having known them.  They will be missed, but wherever they are, they are together again.